What I Used To Be
by Ephemeral Blossoms
Summary: Three months after returning to Destiny Islands, Riku feels more alone than ever. SoKai. SoRi if you squint. Light mention of eating disorders.
1. Torment

A/N: First two-shot! Please enjoy it and review; Reviews motivate me to write more xD! Italics represent Riku's thoughts. The ruler initiates and ends a flashback. Bold italics represent what Riku was thinking in a flashback or several thoughs in his head at once. Sometimes, it emphasizes a word but you should be able to differentiate the two. And by the way, like in several anime, a character that is a minor will live alone. It's just a video game (or manga if you read the manga), not real life, so live with it xD. Some things will not make sense but they will be explained in the next chapter. I find that it feels more complete when revealed next chapter so keep reading!

Summary: Three months after returning to Destiny Islands, Riku feels more alone than ever. Rikucentric. SoKai involved. Two-Shot. Rated T. Post-KH2

**DISCLAIMER: **I don't own Kingdom Hearts. That's owned by Square Enix/Disney! I wouldn't mind owning it though…

_**What I Used To Be - Torment  
**_

_It's been three months already…_

Riku stared out into the ocean, his eyes reflecting sadness back at the calm waters. It had been three months since he and Sora had returned to Destiny Islands. Most would be happy to return to their home after three months. Riku wasn't. It seemed that everyday was filled with more sadness than the day before.

_It all started the week after we came back…  
_

* * *

It was a cold and rainy night the week after Sora and Riku came back. Riku hadn't gone home during that week because he was too nervous to face his mother again after so long. Sora had gone back to his house almost right away to see his parents. They were overjoyed to see their only child again. 

Riku would pass his days by looking at his small apartment building where he once lived. Sometimes, he would be overcome with jealousy at that fact that Sora was able to run home so easily. Sora knew where his heart was and always changed himself for the better. Not that he could become any better anyway. He had such a beautiful heart full of light that he could be considered holy.

The silver haired teen knew that he couldn't hide forever. He had to stop running away from his mother and his home. On that chilly night, Riku gathered the courage to go knock on the door of his apartment. As he knocked, he felt anxiety yet some hope in his heart.

The door opened. That small piece of hope and extreme anxiety that once glinted in the emerald orbs disappeared. An old fat woman stood there in her bathrobe instead of his mother. He had no idea who she was.

"What do you want, kid?" she grunted.

"Um, is Takada Yuki-san here?" Riku asked politely.

"No," the old woman slammed the door in his face.

Riku stood there speechless. Maybe his mother had moved? More than anything, he felt somewhat scared. His mother had been one of the only stable points in his life. His father had left them as soon as Riku was born and he never knew if Sora was going to run off with Kairi or not. Sure, his mother had given birth to him when she was only fourteen, but she lived for him. She worked three jobs not to support herself, but to support her child. She always worried about Riku and tried to make him happy.

The sin-stained teen ran through the rain towards Sora's house. It was pouring more than ever. It looked like there could be a hurricane coming.

Finally, Riku came to the door of Sora's house and knocked loudly. Sora's mom answered the door.

"Riku!" Sora's mom exclaimed, "What a pleasant surprise. You're soaked! Why don't you come in?"

Riku shook his head, moving the silver hair from in front of his eyes, "Did my mother move from our place or something? I found out that she doesn't live there anymore and I'm kinda worried,"

Sora's mom's face fell as she started shaking, "Riku…You don't know?" she asked shakily.

"No…What?' Riku found himself shaking too and it wasn't just because of the icy rain.

"Your mother killed by the heartless that invaded one year ago."

Riku's face contorted with anger and pain. He ran off into the raining night, hurt by it all.

**_It wasn't supposed to be this way! Why does life seem to be out to get me? Life made me live in the darkness and shadows for so long. When it finally lets me live in light, it overpowers me with pain. Why did she have to die? Why? WHY?!?_**

_**No…It's not life's fault. It's mine. If I hadn't given in, Okaa-san would still be alive. My life wouldn't have changed for the worse. It's all my fault…**  
_

* * *

_That's the day when I started cutting again._

Riku continued to sit on the crooked paopu tree. He tore off his armband to reveal several cuts and scars littering his pale wrist. Riku winced; they brought back the torture of the last three months.

_I killed my mother…I'm the one that let the heartless invade…I killed my own mother...I don't even have the right to live in the realm of light.  
_

* * *

Riku had no place to live after that. He collected some money from his inheritance and rented a small one-room apartment about three days after. He had survived the hurricane in the secret place on the play island. It wasn't too terrible a hurricane either; it was more of a tropical storm. He never told Sora or Kairi about it either. He instead chose to writhe in his suffering alone. 

A week later, Riku took a review exam of grade ten so he could go into grade eleven immediately when September came. The exam was very similar to that of a Japanese entrance exam and Riku passed with 100 percent in each subject.

"Congratulations, Riku!" Sora had grinned at Riku when he found out that he passed.

"Thanks," Riku mumbled, still melancholic after the news.

"Riku…" Sora squirmed nervously, "Are you guilty about living in the Realm of Light?"

"No. Why?" Riku lied.

"Just curious. You seem kinda sad. My mom said to talk to you."

"Oh…" Riku trailed off, somewhat relieved that Sora's mom hadn't said anything. He began to think about what Sora had said. It made him feel worse than ever.

_**I hurt my friends and yet I was accepted into a realm of light. I put them through so much pain and suffering…They care about a demon from the darkness when they are so immersed in light, they're holy and pure...Pure compared to someone like me…**_

"Are you still here?"

"Oh, um, yeah!" Riku looked at Sora's innocent sapphire orbs.

"Anyway, how did you do on _your_ exam?" Riku asked.

"Um…I need to go to summer school," Sora replied, embarrassed.

"It's okay," Riku smiled fakely,"I'll help you study. I'm sure you will be able to know what two plus two is by the end of the summer."

"I'm so sure," Sora laughed, "I just need better grades to make sure I can pass! I'm not as smart as you, you know. But, you are my best friend. You can help me out if you want!."

* * *

_I could have sworn that he was telling the truth…_

Riku jumped off the tree and walked across the bridge. He went down to the secret place, the place he and Sora played all the time when they were little.

_But he wasn't.  
_

* * *

Almost immediately after, Sora seemed to disappear for a month and a bit. He was always either busy with summer school or "just going out". Riku was positive that Sora was dating Kairi. He knew that it would happen one day but it hurt more than ever. He thought he could handle it. The thing was, he couldn't. Riku felt like Sora had left him behind. 

"Where've you been?" Riku asked Sora one day. They happened to have a rare encounter alone.

"I've been busy with school and stuff," Sora grinned.

"You've been seeing Kairi, haven't you," Riku asked, a certain but unidentifiable emotion lingering in his voice.

Sora blushed, "Yeah. Is that a bad thing?"

Riku didn't say anything.

**_I've been left behind…Light can't mix with darkness…I'll always be a thing from the dark…I never really left it behind, did I?...And now I'm being left behind as well by my only friend…Forgotten…Alone…_**

"Riku, are you sure you're okay? You look really thin."

"Yeah, I'm fine," Riku lied again. He hadn't been eating much for a while.

"If you're sure…" Sora replied with uncertainty.

* * *

_Couldn't he see the pain within my eyes?_

Riku began to observe the rock walls, covered with drawings done by the children of the island. A certain one caught his eye near the end of the wall. He stared at it and a look of hopelessness appeared behind the emerald of his orbs.

* * *

When September rolled around, Riku was hoping to be able to see Sora more often. It had been two and a half months since they had come back. Riku looked around in the morning but didn't see either Sora or Kairi. He wondered where his best friend was as he was walking to the bathroom during second period. He was about to turn a corner when he saw the shadows of two people standing close by. Riku glanced around the corner subtly to see Sora pressing Kairi against the wall, kissing her passionately. 

Riku turned around and ran down the hall and back to class, diamonds forming in his eyes. He sat down in his history class and concentrated on his textbook so nobody would notice his watering eyes.

As Riku ignored the words of his ancient history teacher, he suddenly realized what he could do to make Sora realize the pain he was suffering. He didn't want to bluntly say to either that he was dying inside but he wanted him to at least notice. He had always been like that; he never wanted to say anything but he wanted someone to notice. He hated himself for being such a fool.

During lunch, Riku didn't go to the cafeteria where he knew that he would see his two friends. Instead, he waited around in the secluded girl's bathroom. One of the girl's bathrooms was always out of order so nobody ever went in there except Kairi. Whenever she finished her lunch, she always went in there to use the mirror. She enjoyed her privacy. Sora had told Riku that. He truly loved Kairi and Riku had always supported that. One year ago, he didn't try to rescue Kairi first because he loved her; he tried to rescue her first because he felt threatened that Sora was going to forget about him because of Kairi. But until now, Riku never used to mind the fact that Kairi and Sora would one day date until they actually started. If Sora hadn't left Riku alone and forgotten, he would have no problems with it.

After half an hour, the door opened. Kairi walked inside when she noticed Riku standing in front of her, arms crossed, "Riku!" she gasped, "What are you doing here? It's the girl's bathroom! Have you even been eating?"

Riku pushed Kairi against the cold tiled wall and pressed his lips against hers, holding her, caressing her. Kairi's eyes were wide with shock but she didn't push him away. He eventually let her go.

"Riku…" Kairi trailed off as she ran out of the bathroom, her soft pink boots squeaking against the wet floor.

Riku left the grimy bathroom and sat in the front yard of Destiny Islands High School. About five minutes later, Sora stormed out of the entrance.

"WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING, KISSING MY GIRLFRIEND?!?" Sora screamed. He grabbed Riku by his yellow vest.

Riku looked at Sora, "You don't get it, do you?"

"DON'T GET WHAT?" Sora spat. He curled his right hand into a ball and smashed it against Riku's face. He let go and let Riku crumble to the ground.

"YOU KNOW HOW MUCH KAIRI MEANS TO ME! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? YOU'VE EVEN TOLD ME BEFORE THAT YOU WERE OKAY WITH US TOGETHER!! WHAT'S BEEN UP WITH YOU LATELY?"

"Ugh…"

"YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND!! WHY DID YOU- Riku, are you okay?"

Riku was on the ground groaning. His face was contorted with pain and he was more pale than usual. His right arm was holding his right hip.

"Did I punch you that hard?' Sora asked worriedly. When Riku didn't answer, Sora took Riku's arms and removed them from his hip. Both his arms and his jeans were soaked in blood.

"RIKU!" Sora screamed as he looked around, "SOMEONE CALL 911!"

Riku opened his eyes, "It's…Xemnas…"

With tears in his eyes, Sora pulled Riku's pants down slightly so he could see Riku's hip. There was no wound in his skin; the blood seemed to evaporate from his insides.

"What? Riku, is this because of Xemnas? IS this what you were trying to say? SOMEONE, ANYONE, CALL 911!" Sora yelled, looking around. Nobody was on the street today.

Riku started to stand up, "This isn't what I wanted to say…Come one, it's not as complex as that."

"DON'T STAND UP!"

Riku staggered up and put his left arm behind Sora. He brought it forward with a _thump._

"Ri…ku…"

Riku ran with tears in his eyes towards the play island. He jumped into his boat and paddled there. Then he stumbled onto the sand and sobbed. He was on his knees, pounding the ground with his fists. Blood leaked from his hip.

_**He's left me behind for Kairi…He doesn't realize…He never will…Nobody cares…I'm on my knees…Won't someone forgive me? Can't somebody erase my sins, giving me a chance to start over? Can't somebody understand?  
**_

* * *

_And that was the end of it._ _Sora never came to__find me. I even gave him two weeks by living here. The bleeding eventually stopped back then. But that all ends now._

Green eyes stared at that simple little drawing.

It was a drawing that symbolized Sora's and Kairi's love. They had drawn their faces and then later, drawn paopu fruits beneath their mouths.

Tears fell to the ground.

_It's so lonely…_

Riku became overcome with emotion. He immediately swiped a knife out of his pants and began slicing his skin, the crimson pain emerging from the cuts. His hip began bleeding again from emotional stress. A scream of anguish left his throat.

_What have I done to deserve this?_

Riku's arms became tattered and in ribbons. Tears leaked from his eyes. Agony shrieked through his body, wracking him with pain. Drops of blood fell to the ground, staining the once golden sand. His life began to flash before his eyes.

_**'Once we step through, we might not be able to come back. We may never see our parents again. There's no turning back. But this may be our only chance. We can't let fear stop us! I'm not afraid of the darkness!' **_

_**'Wait a second, where's Kairi?'**_

_**'RIKU!' **_

_**'But, Sora, I thought you liked games. Or are you too cool to play them now that you have the Keyblade?'**_

_**' The Heartless obey me now, Sora. Now I have nothing to fear.'**_

_**'You're stupid. Sooner or later they'll swallow your heart.'**_

_**'Not a chance. My heart's too strong.' **__**  
**_

_**'So, you finally made it. About time. I've been waiting for you. We've always been rivals, haven't we? You've always pushed me as I've always pushed you.'**_

_** 'But that's impossible. How did this happen? I'm the one who fought my way here with the Keyblade!'**_

_**'You were just the delivery boy. Sorry, your part's over now. Here, go play hero with this.' **_

_**'You're wrong, Riku. The darkness may destroy my body, but it can't touch my heart. My heart will stay with my friends. It'll never die!'**_

_**'What? You're saying my heart's weaker than his?'**_

_**'It is I, Ansem, the seeker of darkness.'**_

_**'Take care of her.'**_

_**'What are you making me choose now?'**_

_**'Will you take the road to light — or the road to darkness?'**_

_**'Neither. I'm taking the middle road.'**_

_**'You mean the twilit road to nightfall?'**_

_**'No...The road to dawn.'**_

_**'His eyes couldn't lie.'**_

_**'Lie? And just who were you trying to fool? Huh? Huhhh?'**_

_**'Myself.'**_

_It's the end…_

_Of everything…_

_But I'm not complaining._

A/N: Somethings didn't make sense like 'That's the day when I started cutting again.' And why there was no wound yet Riku was bleeding. There's a point. Read the next chapter.


	2. Memories

A/N: Last chapter! All the loose ends are going to come together finally. Again, a ruler symbolizes a flashback or a break in storyline, bold italics a flashback in the character's head, and italics are thoughts. You'll be able to tell the difference if they're Sora's thoughts or Riku's thoughts. Sora has a bigger part in this chapter but Riku is still the main character. If you're a yaoi fangirl, read this xD. It isn't pure yaoi but you can look at it as yaoi. Anyway, read on.

**DISCLAIMER**: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or High School Musical.

_**What I Used To Be – Memories**_

"_**Remember, if Riku ever shows any erratic behavior whatsoever, CALL 911!"**_

Sora held a picture of himself and his best friend when they were about nine or ten. Riku had Sora in a headlock. He had made a peace sign as Sora was laughing. Whenever Sora saw this picture, he used to laugh like his younger self in the memory. Now, it only caused him heartbreak.

The fifteen year-old sat on his bed. The royal blue of his walls were closing in on his heart, choking him, and destroying him. The pale moonlight was the only source illumination in the cold room. Riku had been gone for two weeks. He had knocked Sora out and ran away, his hip bleeding crazily. The police were looking for him but they hadn't had any luck.

Sora had been thinking back to the words of Riku's late mother. Ever since Sora was little, she would repeat to him those words. They used to jingle like a bell in his head; "Remember, if Riku ever shows any erratic behavior whatsoever, CALL 911!" or "If Riku seems to be hurting himself, tell me!" Those words used to mean nothing to him. After a few events, he believed them and they meant everything. They hurt him so much, Sora couldn't stand it. Not only did he find out from his own mother that Mrs. Takada had died, Riku was missing and Sora couldn't do anything about it.

_It hurts so much to know that you can't control what happens…Is this how Riku feels?_

Suddenly, the phone rang. Sora put the picture down and picked up his bright red razor phone.

"Hello?"

"Sora!" Kairi said.

"Oh, hey Kairi," Sora replied sadly.

"I guess that means that there's no news on Riku, right?" Kairi said thoughtfully.

"Right."

"You know, you shouldn't have done what you did two weeks ago."

"I didn't know…About Riku's mother…I forgot what she used to say to us…" Sora recollected.

* * *

"Are you ready to go to the play islands?" a six year-old Sora grinned at Riku. 

"Yeah," Riku smiled. He quickly put his shoes on and walked out his front apartment door to stand beside Sora.

"Have fun!" Mrs. Takada beamed at the two children, "Riku, maybe you should start going downstairs now. Sora will meet you down there in a minute."

"Sure," Riku ran down the hall to take the staircase.

After hearing the door to the stairs close, Mrs. Takada bent down so she could see eye-to-eye with Sora. Her hazel eyes peered into Sora's sapphire ones.

"If Riku seems to be hurting himself, remember to tell me," the single mother said seriously.

"I know that. You tell me everyday. What I don't get is, why would someone hurt himself on PURPOSE?" Sora asked innocently.

"Listen Sora," Mrs. Takada looked at Sora tearfully,"Riku hasn't had the greatest life ever. He's a bit different from other people. Sometimes, when you're sad, you do things you wouldn't normally do. I worry about if he's truly happy or not. Do you understand what I mean, Sora?"

Sora nodded, "I think so."

"Ok," the black haired woman laughed, "Go and have fun!"

* * *

"Sora?" 

"Oh, uh, hi Kairi!" Sora's voice betrayed him. He had tried to sound happy but his voice had starting to shake.

"Things will be alright, Sora," Kairi attempted to comfort her boyfriend.

"It's…just so hard…" Sora began to sob, "No matter what you do, you can't change the future. I…I just can't…stand it! He's probably cutting again…I don't want Riku to…die!"

"Sora, thinking negatively will only make it worse on you and it won't help the situation!"

"You're right…but I don't know what to do…I said such nasty things to him two weeks ago…I was impulsive…I thought that he knew my feelings for you and was doing it to make me mad or something…I wasn't myself…He did it to try and make me realize that something was wrong with him. It was…As Mrs. Takada used to put it, erratic behaviour…I punched him…How could I have done something like that? WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?"

"Don't be so hard on yourself!" Kairi cried, "You can try looking for him. Where do you think he could be?"

"The police have searched everywhere," Sora answered, "I have no idea where he could be!"

"What about the play island? We used to go there all the time. Maybe Riku went back for some nostalgia."

Sora dropped his cellphone. Riku just _had_ to be there. He always used to sit and watch the sunset from the crooked paopu tree.

"Sora! SORA!" Kairi yelled into the cellphone. There was no answer; Sora had already run out of his room.

_I'M COMING, RIKU!  
_

* * *

If a normal person walking by saw Riku, they'd think he was just a popular teenager. He probably had so many girls around him that he had his own fanclub. The guys probably envied him and everyone wanted to be his friend. That's what someone would think, but that's not the case. 

Ever since Riku was little, his mother worked two jobs to support them. He had never met his father. He felt loved although he didn't see his mother as often as he would have liked.

When he started school, his world changed. His classmates all made fun of his hair and the older students teased him for being an albino. Everyone made fun of him when they found out that Riku was gifted.

And gifted he was indeed; Riku's IQ was over 200. He probably was and still is the smartest person on Destiny Islands. He could calculate long division in his head quickly from the time he was five. Unfortunately, this seemed to be a 'nerd' thing.

Riku took on a major emotional toll from the bullying. He started cutting himself when he was eight. Everyone still made fun of him at that point except Sora and Kairi. They went to a different school and didn't know about the situation. Riku acted happy in front of everyone so nobody would find out. His mother had her doubts about Riku's happiness but didn't suspect that he was being bullied.

When Riku was twelve, Sora found Riku cutting himself with a dagger on the crooked paopu tree. Sora was so startled that he went straight back to the main island and told Riku's mother. Riku was then forced to go to rehab to for a month and a half.

It didn't work. The situation got out of hand when Riku was fourteen; Riku was being bullied so much that he tried to commit suicide. Sora and Kairi found Riku bleeding insanely in an isolated area of the main island. He barely survived; there were no available blood donors with his blood type. At the last minute, they found someone with blood type O and saved Riku. Afterwards, he had to go through rehab again for three months.

After that, Riku transferred to another high school far away from his old one. The girls there thought he was 'hot' and the guys respected him for being good at sports. Nobody made fun of him for being albino. Sora and Kairi eventually went to that high school. Everyone loved Riku. His world turned upside down and he didn't know what to do with himself.

In truth, Riku was just lonely. Even though everyone practically worshipped him, he had almost no friends. Tidus, Selphie, and Wakka were just acquaintances. Kairi just plain scared him; she could see right through Riku and always knew what was going on with him. He was scared of being released from his façade of high school and having to face the real world.

The only person Riku could count on was Sora. He was his best and only friend. Riku truly liked him as a person which is why he didn't burden him with his problems; he didn't want to cause problems for Sora.

At a loss for what to do, Riku looked for happiness within the darkness even though it meant giving up everything: his home, family, friends, and even himself. This just made Riku even more depressed and took him to where he is now.

"_**Riku, what are you doing?" an eleven year old Sora's eyes opened wide in horror. They were standing by the crooked paopu tree. Riku had a dagger pressed against his skin and was drawing blood.**_

"_**Sora…"**_

_His eyes were so lonely…How could I not see it back then?…_

Sora was paddling as fast as he could towards the play island. A sense of fear and taken its place in his heart. When he made it to the play island, he ran towards the secret place. For some reason, he was running there instead of the small islet where he thought he would be. When he made it there, his sapphire eyes immediately died.

Lying in front of him was Riku, skin torn apart. His arms were tattered and cut to ribbons. His clothes were both soaked and stained crimson. His body looked so fragile…It was painful to see.

"RIKU!" Sora screamed. He ran to the broken body and summoned up his keyblade.

"Heal, heal, heal, heal, heal…" he murmured, the mint green flashing before his eyes, "please, wake up…"

After a few minutes, Sora swore and muttered, "I'm out of MP…"

A small laugh echoed through the cave. Riku slowly opened his eyes. They were glazed over with pain, but he had a small smile on his face.

"That sounded so stupid…"

"Ri…ku…" Sora was at a loss for words, "Why did you do that? Why did you have to go and start to cut yourself again? Riku…You've got friends. Why didn't you tell anybody that you were dying inside?"

"I was just lonely. I felt left behind because you and Kairi were dating."

"Riku, I would NEVER leave you behind!" Sora cried.

"Yeah, whatever," Riku stared at the cold crimson sand he was lying on.

"Riku," Sora said seriously, "I'm not sure how long the cure spells I used are going to last. This is worse than the last time you cut yourself this badly. You're really pale. We need to call 911." He searched his pockets to remember that he left his cell phone in his bedroom.

"Do you have a cellphone?"

Riku snorted weakly, "Man, this hurts…Anyway, I don't have a cell phone on me. Even if I did, I'd lie my way out of giving it to you."

"Does that mean you might actually have it on you?"

"…No, I'm telling the truth. I got rid of it last year."

"This isn't good."

Riku looked into Sora's eyes. His vision was getting hazy.

"Sora…stay with me…until I die here…"

"You're not going to die! But…I'm going to stay here with you anyway…If you're still awake in ten minutes, I'm going to go back to the main island to go and get some help, okay?" Sora sniffed.

"Fine."

The two friends stayed in the cave together. There was an awkward silence until Sora spoke:

"Your hair is stained with your blood."

Silence.

"Your clothes are stained with my blood."

"Touché."

More silence.

"Riku, I'm sorry that you felt I left you behind. I'm sorry for hitting you. I just…I love Kairi. You know that. I was impulsive. I didn't know what to do and I let my instincts take over. I should have never done what I did. I want you to know that you mean the most to me."

Riku didn't answer. After a while, he replied:

"Sora…do you remember? When we fought against Xemnas in the end…That hit I took for you…"

"Yeah? You really saved my life then! What about it?" Sora grinned slightly at his best friend.

"That's what's wrong with me."

"What do you mean?"

"Two weeks ago," Riku replied sadly, "I was bleeding weird. When Xemnas hit me…"

Sora squirmed nervously, "Go on…"

"I can't."

"Was it important?"

"No, I just mentioned because I thought it would make a good scene in a manga."

"Don't joke around at a time like this!" Sora screamed, "RIKU, I CARE ABOUT YOU! WHY WON'T YOU EVER TELL ME ANYTHING? YOU'VE GOT FRIENDS! YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING BY YOURSELF! WHY DON'T YOU REALIZE THAT!?!"

"Sora…I just…Do you remember when we first met?" Riku changed the subject.

"Yeah, I do! BUT DON'T GO CHANGING THE SUBJECT ON ME!"

"It was a rainy day…I was seven maybe? You were six…You were making a sand castle and I kicked it down."

Sora grinned, the anger diminishing from his eyes," I remember that! I was _so_ mad at you. I ran home crying, so my mom called yours. She made you apologize. Then we went for ice cream together!"

"Yeah," Riku smiled.

"And you remember the time when I spilled your entire bottle of shampoo on myself?"

"I remember that. And you remember when we first met Kairi and I pushed her off that islet attached to here by a bridge?"

"Yup! That…was so much fun," Sora beamed, "What about the time we had a sleepover against Kairi's parent's will? We were at your house and High School Musical started playing on the TV."

"Oh God, I hate that movie."

"Yeah, you did back then too, so you egged what you thought was a random house but it was actually Kairi's house. It was too dark for you to realize which house it was."

"I was practically grounded for life for doing that. I just can't stand those stupid songs. They make me angry."

"It's an okay movie. Anyway, then Kairi's parents were so angry, they made you clean their entire house. It's pretty big too."

Riku smiled at his best friend. Sora had been his only reason for living until he started dating Kairi.

Suddenly, he felt a _pang_ in his hip. His vision was going blurry.

"Sora…You should go. I'm fine. Go get help."

"You sure?" Sora asked, "You look a bit sick still."

"JUST GO!" Riku yelled.

Sora's face fell, "Ok," he stood up.

"I'm sorry, Sora! I'm just…a bit messed up right now. Listen, we're best friends and always will be, right?"

Riku took a deep breath, "Sora…You…You're my inspiration. I believe in you."

Sora had a look of shock on his face. Then he smiled widely, "I'll go get help now!" he ran out of the cave.

Riku sighed. He knew he was going to die at any moment. The silver haired teen didn't want Sora to have to go through the pain of seeing him die.

"Sora," he whispered, "What I said was the truth, but I never would have said it out if I didn't want to die knowing you were happy."

_That's why I didn't tell you about Xemnas…Xemnas's attack was an attack of darkness. That very darkness is destroying my heart. In the end, it's going to destroy me. Even if I don't die now, the darkness will cause my heart to die. I guess that's one reason I did this to myself; I didn't want to lose out to the darkness. Because of it, I'm just a remnant of what I used to be. I don't want to die completely taken over. At least there's still a small piece of me left. It's small, but it's still me._

_I didn't want you to worry. But now, the darkness is spreading fast. Between that and my loss of blood, I'm going to die. But knowing that you're happy, I can leave the earth happy too._

Riku tried to get up. He managed to with great difficulty. He slowly limped outside and managed to walk towards the crooked paopu tree. He collapsed just by the tree, his body twitching.

_My life is going to end right here.  
_

Riku stared up into the azure sky; it was a beautiful day. The sun made the waters sparkle brightly. It was the perfect last sight to ever lay your eyes upon.

The haze now blinded the teen. His eyes slowly closed.

_Heh…your life doesn't actually flash before your eyes._

…

_Sora…_

_I want you to know._

_You made a big impact on my life. You have my thanks for that.._

_Thanks for inspiring me._

_Thanks for caring for me._

_Thanks for always being there for me._

_Thanks for encouraging me._

_Thanks for guiding me._

_Thanks for supporting me. _

_Thanks for not abandoning me when I thought you had._

_Thanks for apologizing when I'm the one who should have._

_Thanks for being my light within the darkness._

_But most of all..._

_ Sora..._

_Thanks…_

_Thanks for the memories._

…

…

"RIKU!!!"

A/N: I liked this chapter Review please, it was my Birthday yesterday :O! It actually was.


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